I’m not going to lie, I find myself looking at my ex’s Facebook page every now and again. Did I just admit to stalking someone? Well, probably. Ha. I’m human. It happens. Accept it, deal with it, and move on.
When we first broke up, I would look at his Facebook page or his Instagram account. Not every day, but just whenever something popped up on my feed. Nine times out of ten, it would be something that I didn’t care about…but that one other time would have me rolling my eyes. It reassured me that breaking up was the right thing to do.
That being said, I have also had a few what if moments and considered getting back together with my ex-boyfriend. I have said that I would never, ever get back together with an ex because “they’re an ex for a reason”, but I do have my moments of weakness. I have been talking to someone that I consider to be a friend, but I feel like I just need to remind myself of why we broke up and why it would be a bad, bad idea to get back with an ex.
There is no future for the relationship.
It’s not that we fought, ended up hating each other or not attracted to one another. It’s not that we didn’t have that ‘click’ that everyone is supposedly looking for. The simple reason is that there is absolutely no possible future for the relationship. Why would you get back with an ex-boyfriend knowing that there was nowhere for it to go? Do not put yourself through that.
I’m not lonely now (thank goodness), but there were the odd moments of loneliness. Going to bed and waking up alone can get draining after a while. Going to events and doing things by yourself can be lonely. Sometimes you just want someone to be there to share things and create memories. That is when you go and grab your friends. Do not run back to an ex-boyfriend in a moment of weakness. You’ll wake up in his bed and wonder how the hell you got there. Trust me.
You’re having those ‘what if’ thoughts.
No. Get them out of your head right now. You have to remember that you have been with this person before. Chances are that it is not going to be different this time around. You should never, ever get back with your ex-boyfriend if you are having ‘what if’ thoughts. You are romanticising the situation. Bad, bad, bad. Drop those rose tinted spectacles and try to look at the relationship objectively.
Ha, like that is going to happen.
You’re the only single one.
You look around the room and notice that everyone else is holding hands. Everyone else is in a relationship and all loved up, while you’re having a love affair with the cheese platter. There’s no shame in being single. I should know. That being said, I have noticed the odd comment or glance from my friends and family. Never, ever get back with your ex-boyfriend because you’re the only single one. Being single isn’t the end of the world. Go and explore. Do something for you. Have fun.
A small part of you doesn’t trust them.
It seems weird to want to get back with someone when you don’t trust them, but it has happened to me before. A few years ago, I was with someone who hung out with particular ‘friends’ a lot and they would go away together. A part of me believed that they were just friends, but there was a nagging voice inside my head that said that an attraction was there and that something was going to happen after one drink too many. Do not get with someone that you cannot trust. Steer clear or voice your concern and get rid of the doubt. Your choice.
They (or both of you) played mind games.
You pushed each other’s buttons. At first, it was a joke…until they found something that really hit on your nerves. They kept pressing that button, so you pushed back. They said that they wanted to get back with you, but mentioned that other people were “chasing” him, too. I’m all for a game of chase. I’m all for (light) teasing in a healthy relationship. However, there is a point that I cannot take it anymore. Do not get back with an ex if you (or they) played mind games. That is not fun for anyone…and not the basis for a healthy relationship.
Yes, but they’re x/y/z.
Basically, you think your ex-boyfriend (or girlfriend) is the best you’ll do for yourself. You’re 100% convinced that you’ll never find someone who is as good (or better) than them. I have definitely been in that position. I have been in the “I am punching way above my weight” relationship. I have thought that they are too good-looking, successful, funny, or honest (and any other number of qualities). Trust me, you will find someone much better and he (or she) will be much more suited to you. You just have to be patient.
They just didn’t “get it”.
This can relate to a number of things. Maybe they didn’t support a decision you made. Once upon a time, I was with someone who scoffed at the idea of me having a gap year. Needless to say, that relationship didn’t last very long. Maybe just didn’t “get” dreams you had for your life. Maybe you guys really liked each other, but he couldn’t get it right between the sheets (or on any other surface). Main point: There is something major that caused the two of you to butt heads. Do not overlook that point just because you think your ex-boyfriend is a good person. He could be (for all intents and purposes), but if you weren’t on the same wavelength about something the first time, well, it probably wouldn’t have changed the second time around.
- Did you ever get back with an ex? Did it work out?
- Why would you get back with an ex?
- Have you ever been in a relationship when you feel like your partner is “too good” for you?