10 Reasons Why I Choose to Date Older Men

dating trend in 2018

My dating history is interesting…to say the least.

My mother actually Googled my last partner. That act in itself is not that odd. The ‘odd’ factor was the fact that articles about him did exist on the internet. That’s what I get for seeing someone who was eighteen years older than me.

Yes, you did read that last line correctly.

I’m going to give you a minute to get over the shock of a twenty-one year old dating someone who is thirty-nine.


I can’t even tell you that he’s the first older man I have dated. There has been a few. (Sorry, mum.)

A few of my friends and acquaintances can’t quite understand why I choose to date older men. They’ve been in their loved up bubbles for two (or more) years now, so they don’t understand what the dating scene is like these days. It sounds like I’m an old woman who has been around the block, instead of an almost twenty-two year old girl who is barely starting out in life. Anyone who is single will know exactly what I mean.

So, I guess this post is for those people. This post is for you. For those people who can’t understand why I date older men.


I bet you were expecting to see some sexy man in a suit in that blog graphic. I thought a man with silly glasses was much more appropriate 😉 Am I wrong? I bet some of you think this is the type of man I date, too.

You hear “older man” and an image of your grandfather instantly pops into your head. That’s not quite how it works. Yes, I choose to date older men, but these older men have to choose to date me as well. It’s a two-way street.

This post is about to make all of that a lot more transparent from my side of things at least. Let’s crack on with it!

#1: He knows what he’s doing/he has his shit together.

He’s been through the shitty college job scene and come out the other side with a sparkling career. Career, not a job. He’s that beckon of light that shows that it is possible to make it through the odd rough moment. He’s an adult. He doesn’t have his shit together just because he has to, but because he doesn’t want to be living a wild life of complete uncertainty. He’s an ‘adultier adult’, as some people would say.

#2: He knows what he wants and he isn’t afraid to say it.

Some men want a fling. Some men want a girlfriend. Some men want to find a girl and settle down. Fair enough. I’m not judging you. Heck, good for you for knowing what you want. I applaud you. However, that all means nothing if you can’t find the stomach to tell your other half. No one – least of all me – likes having their time wasted. I like to date older men because they aren’t afraid of going after what they want and letting you know exactly what they’re looking for.

#3: He’s secure in himself, but he isn’t arrogant.

There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Young lads haven’t quite figured this one out yet. He’s grown up and realised exactly who he is…and he has embraced it. Guys, there is nothing sexier than that. Truly.

#4: He knows what he’s doing.

…If you know what I mean.

#5: He knows how to treat a lady.

Older men tend to know that it takes more than just Netflix and chill to woo a woman. Thank goodness. They know that women actually require conversation to get to know a person and not mindless, meaningless sex. Don’t get me wrong, guys of all ages can be total sleaze balls. The saying goes: ‘Treat others how you would like to be treated’, and it is true, but older men just seem to pick up on subtle cues better than young lads. This means that they have a much quicker reaction time and know how to turn a situation around or make it even better. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles.

#6: He just gets it.

He has lived life. He has stuff. You have stuff. They get it. It’s more than just that, though. Older men get it and they aren’t afraid to talk about it. Really. I have had better connections with people who are decades older than me, just because they take the time to actually listen.

#7: He doesn’t have flatmates.

Partially related to #4. Not really. Sometimes it’s just nice to be alone for once. It’s nice to know that you can go somewhere you aren’t going to be interrupted by flatmates or total strangers. Privacy is something that I value. A lot.

#8: He knows how to maintain a decent conversation.

This one is related to #6. I met someone and we have talked about more topics in one hour than I have in a whole night with someone else. Not only that, but they aren’t afraid to talk about things in-depth. The art of communication is one that is largely talked about, but rarely practiced properly. This may also relate to being secure in themselves, but older men really know how to direct a conversation.   I’ve had a few people ask how and why I fall for people and the answer is simple: Because they talk to me. Really talk to me. You can seduce my body for one night, but you have to really work if you want me to stick around.

#9: He doesn’t throw his toys out of the cot. Usually.

I choose to date older men because they aren’t immature. They had their own lives before I strolled into it, and they are aware of that fact. Sometimes uncontrollable things happen. Circumstances change. They don’t have a meltdown because I’m suddenly unavailable, and that is so, so appealing. They don’t sweat the small stuff and they don’t (usually) add fuel to the fire either. Thank goodness.

#10: He’s more appreciative…about everything.

He will treat you like gold…if you treat him right in return. He understands that you aren’t perfect, and he doesn’t expect you to be. I’ve found that older men tend to appreciate your time a whole lot more than the younger lads. They know that you can choose to be anywhere else, but you chose to be with them. Younger men tend to think that it’s just a given. Not true.

I don’t know what it is, but I have always been attracted to men who are older than me.

Yes, I can appreciate men from all walks of life, but it tends to be the older ones who hold my attention for the longest. It might be a phase. It might not be a phase. Who knows? Not me. I’m not questioning it either 😉

Tell me…

  • Have you ever dated a man/woman who has been older than you?
  • Why would you date someone who is significantly older than you?
  • What do you believe is a downfall of dating someone who is older than you?
  • What is the weirdest thing someone has said about a person that you have dated? (Younger/older)
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  • Reply Madeline Harper

    Just curious how long these relationships last with older men?

    April 17, 2016 at 10:03 am
    • Reply Victoria

      A year? More or less. Generally in the 6-12 month range at least. The relationships are great, but I tend to be a bit flighty haha.

      April 17, 2016 at 11:21 am
      • Reply Madeline Harper

        That’s great that they last that long – I find that men over 35 have the same issues as young men – and sometimes are even more selfish. True they tend to be more settled and more self aware, but they can be just as foolish when it comes to women.

        April 17, 2016 at 1:14 pm
  • Reply Kat

    Just curious too…do you ever see yourself settling down with an older man? as for myself, I’m dating a guy six years older than me (that’s a pretty huge age gap from where I’m from) and it’s the best thing ever. I agree with almost everything you’ve said especially about them being real adults! ☺️

    April 17, 2016 at 12:31 pm
    • Reply Victoria

      Definitely 😊 If I was to get married. I don’t really see myself ever getting married if I’m being honest haha. Time will tell though. I tend to go for people who are at least six years older than me haha. Don’t know why, it has been that way for a while 😊

      April 17, 2016 at 12:41 pm
      • Reply Kat

        They’re just hands down better 😉

        April 17, 2016 at 1:00 pm
        • Reply Victoria

          Yes haha. I have to say that they are 😉

          April 17, 2016 at 1:23 pm
  • Reply Jay

    I met… let’s call him Gareth… at Starbucks on Queen Street in October 2013 and our relationship began straight after that. It was very short lived lasting for 7 months, but it was pretty amazing and he’s such a beautiful man. He works in the city as a businessman and is 46 now. I wish it lasted. I definitely saw myself with him forever.

    April 17, 2016 at 9:21 pm
  • Reply Cara Grasso

    I can relate to this! I am 20 and my boyfriend is 26– he has his master’s degree, a career, and even a child from a previous relationship, so he was quite the culture shock for me! But as you said, on our first date we quite literally lost track of time because we were talking for hours. I’m not into the party and hookup culture that’s popular with my peers, so just like you, the stability of an older man really worked out for me! Don’t let others judge, girl- you keep doing you!

    April 18, 2016 at 4:56 am
  • Reply The Swedish Kiwi

    My fiancé is two years older than me, and that suits me quite well. I don’t think I would have been able to date a younger guy, so would rather go older!

    April 18, 2016 at 8:47 pm
  • Reply Rachel Bulosan

    My boyfriend is a year and some months older than me and we’ve been together for six years. It works out really well especially when he goes through a specific mindset at a specific age and I follow immediately after with that mindset. I feel like he is more supportive and understanding because of it.

    April 20, 2016 at 9:31 am
  • Reply akiwiadventuring

    Totes agree! Even tho you know there’s only a two year difference, between me and my better half, goodness, that two years makes the difference. The difference between going out with someone the same age as me and someone two years older is massive. Guys my age just don’t have that something about them. My ex was same age as me and was just young, he wasn’t experienced, he didn’t have life experience and he couldn’t offer what someone even two years older can. They just don’t “get” it. I don’t really know how to explain it, but I can definitley tell.

    April 20, 2016 at 6:28 pm
  • Reply The Sunday Journal

    There is a fifteen year age gab between my mum and dad so when It came to dating older guys in the past it wasn’t a huge deal . The oldest age gab between an ex and myself was eight years but even though he was older than me there were still aspects about the relationship that out weighed the good and for me was the commitment factor on my part despite being in a relationship for three years When things got way too serious eg ( marriage talk /kids talk ) I jumped on a plain and moved to New Zealand . I was 17 he was 25 .

    May 1, 2016 at 11:58 am
  • Reply richardsadventure (@Richardstrip)

    Muhammad Ali met his wife when he was 22 and she was 6. Their marriage lasted for 30 years. I’m not sure how old she was when they married.

    June 16, 2016 at 8:54 pm
  • Reply Life with Larissa

    I love how you own the fact that you date older men. To each their own, I say! What works for one person may not necessarily work for another. Personally, I don’t date men that much older than me, but who knows what the future has in store? Like you said, communication is very important, so if I find someone that I connect with that just happens to be a lot older than me, the age difference wouldn’t deter me. I love your list!

    May 27, 2017 at 10:51 am
  • Reply Lindsay

    You make some really excellent points here. Good for you for knowing what you want and what you like!

    May 27, 2017 at 2:53 pm
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