The 5 Worst Dates of My Life. (Really).

All of us know that the dating world is fraught with peril.

What if his Tinder pic is outdated? What if he thinks a McDonald’s dinner classifies as a ‘date’? What if he is just a straight up perv?

Dating in the 21st century is way harder than it should be. All this technology should make it a breeze, right?

Wrong. (Although I wouldn’t be surprised if some romances form from Pokemon GO. You heard it here first.) 

I’ve met people through online dating sites and I’ve met people ‘in the wild’ through natural circumstance. I honestly can’t tell you which one I prefer the most; they both have their good points and their drawbacks. However, it’s all about the connection, right?

You meet someone. You talk. You decide you like each other and set up a date.

…And that’s where it starts to go downhill.

I’m not a dating wizard, but I definitely know what I do like on a date. Today, I’ve chosen to take you through the five worst dates of my life. You’re welcome.


1. The Paranoid Soul

I met this guy online when I went through my ‘older man’ dating phase. I think he was 31 and I was 19. We went to mini putt and he let me win, which I guess is neither good nor bad. Kinda just ‘eh’, if you know what I mean. He had forgotten that I was a vegetarian and had booked a meat-only restaurant. Brilliant. We abandoned that plan and got sushi from the mall. Eh. This is where it got weird.

He kept looking over his shoulder and scanning the whole area. It looked like he was looking out for someone. We ended up going somewhere that ‘no one would see us’ (his words), which meant that we ended up going to the Hamilton Lake. We sat in the car for the next hour and talked. While we were there, he got paranoid that he saw someone he knew and we left. I never talked to him again. In hindsight, he probably had a girlfriend and I had no idea…or he was worried about being seen with someone so young. Either way, he tops being one of the worst dates of my life.

2. The Rich Snob

I met this guy last year. Our first (and only date) was to New Zealand Fashion Week, which is where I found out exactly how well-known he was. (Tip: Do your research properly!) It was awkward from the word ‘go’. We got to the event and people instantly wanted to talk to him. I was introduced as a friend/employee of his. Well, okay buddy. I knew nothing about his business, which made it awkward when PR people and journalists asked me questions. It became obvious that I was not an employee of his. This was the start of another one of the worst dates of my life.

However, it continued with dinner. We went to an Italian restaurant which was very nice. It was also when I had a slightly picky palate when it came to food. There were things that I could eat on the menu, but there were things that I definitely wasn’t interested in trying. That’s when he said: “If you want to be with a rich guy like me, you should be prepared to eat anything. You don’t want to be rude.” Uh, excuse me?! I think I’m allowed to decide what I want to put in my body and what I don’t want to put in my body. That’s when it went downhill. Quickly.

He started picking apart my whole life and I got very, very defensive…to the point of being rude. Quite frankly, I didn’t even care. He lost my respect when he said that I was his employee. I’m sure you can picture a very angry Victoria getting in her car and driving away from that date in a sour mood.

3. The Touchy Feely Dude

There is nothing I hate more than a guy who is touching on me all the time. I am not a naturally touchy feely person. I only get comfortable with that once I really like a person. I met a guy for drinks and within fifteen minutes he had  his hands everywhere. They were on my waist, in my hair, on my arm, on my ass, and trying to grab my hand. Yes, he had that many hands. It just made me feel awkward and uncomfortable. At one point my whole body actually recoiled from him. Whoops.

Needless to say, that date didn’t get beyond two drinks before I decided to call it a night.

4. The ‘Me, Me, Me’ Person

You know who I’m talking about. He’s the guy who talks about himself the whole time and doesn’t ask any questions about you. I remember talking to this guy and feeling like I was in a lecture theatre because that’s how much information he gave me. Too much for my brain to handle. Quite frankly, I start to lose interest when a person starts to talk about themselves incessantly. I’m 90% sure he wouldn’t have noticed if I got up and left the table. That, my friends, concludes another one of the worst dates of my life.

5. The Mute

This one is disappointing, especially if you have good banter whilst messaging each other. I remember talking to someone for a couple of weeks before I decided to go on a proper date with them. It was just dinner but it dragged. I completely understand that first dates are awkward (and sometimes uncomfortable) but it just shouldn’t be that hard. It was like pulling teeth. I’m surprised he didn’t wince at every question that I asked him. Ultimately, he was probably the nicest of the bunch, but there was just that bit of somethin’ somethin’ missing from the equation.

Tell me…

  • What’s a deal breaker for you?
  • What’s the worst thing a person could do whilst on a date?
  • Have you ever lied (bending the truth counts) whilst on a date?
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  • Reply Lena

    There are some shockers! My worst dates have mostly just been BORING. Thank god I’m good at keeping a conversation flowing. My last one, after dinner, suggested we go get some drinks and I was just like nahhh I’m good hahah I just couldn’t bear it any more.

    July 18, 2016 at 9:09 am
    • Reply Victoria

      Oh yes, I have been on some god awful dates in my short twenty-two years! Haha. Oh dear, the boring ones are just painful! I’d take that over someone who talks about themselves all the time though! Haha. Wise choice with getting out before the drinks!

      July 20, 2016 at 8:44 am
  • Reply Viola (@violahelen_)

    I love this Victoria, can really relate haha! X

    July 20, 2016 at 5:32 am
    • Reply Victoria

      Haha I’m glad you can! I feel like I need to write about the best ones just to even it out now!

      July 20, 2016 at 8:45 am

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