My Baby Is Not an Accident

When you Google the definition of the word ‘accident’ you are greeted by explanations depicting something horrible.

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary describes an accident as:

An unforeseen and unplanned event or occurrence or an unfortunate event resulting especially from carelessness or ignorance.

I’m right there and agreeing with the definition as far as the ‘unforeseen and unplanned’ part, but the rest of it doesn’t sit well with me. There are other definitions of ‘accident’ that reference bodily harm and death, so I guess Merriam-Webster kept it pretty PG in comparison. However, lying in bed and feeling my son kick, it feels weird to think of what led to his existence as ‘an unfortunate event’.

Was he planned?

Absolutely not.

Is that the definition of ‘accident’ for some people?


But not for me.

Planned or not, my baby is not an accident.

I was the girl who thought that it would never, ever happen to her.Heck, I was the girl who didn’t see myself having kids, period. I just couldn’t see a future where they existed. I told my mother in April that she shouldn’t hold her breath because I will probably never be having children and that she should get used to the idea now. Cats and dogs, but no kids. That was my motto. I was convinced that I had missed out on the maternal gene entirely. I called her in June to tell her that I was pregnant.

Once I got over the ‘oh fu*k’ thoughts, I honestly couldn’t imagine a world where I didn’t have a baby. That feeling has developed and gotten even more intense as time has gone on.

Every ultrasound that I have gone to and every test that we have passed has just cemented those feelings. I would give my belly a rub and he would kick me back, like a little mother-son conversation before he was here. How could anyone ever call a tiny, innocent baby an ‘accident’?

Some people can toss the term around so casually, like it means nothing, so I thought I’d give it a shot. Maybe I didn’t care about semantics as much as I thought I did.

So, I tried.

I was talking to someone about how hot it was and how summer was going to be absolutely brutal. I think I said something along the lines of needing to time my accidents better. We laughed. I jumped in my car and drove off…and burst into tears because, right at that moment, he was kicking. It made me feel absolutely awful.

Hormones, man, am I right?

Some irrational and hormonal part of me felt like I had committed the biggest act of betrayal by calling him an accident.

Some people have called my pregnancy a ‘divine act’ and ‘meant to be’. It seems a bit airy-fairy to me. I was under a lot of stress and happened to forget a pill (or a few more than just one). If you combine that with a ‘it won’t happen to me’ mentality, you’re pretty much begging for something to bring you down to Earth.

This pregnancy did that. A little baby did that. My son did that.

Let’s not label him an ‘accident’ before he gets here though. My baby is not an accident. He is definitely a surprise, but never an accident.

I haven’t met this person, but I am smitten.

And that does not feel like an accident.

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  • Reply diaryofninemonths

    I always use the word surprise. My little one wasn’t an accident. I don’t think you can really use the term accident when it comes to a baby, you had to do something to make one, it’s not like we don’t know what CAN happen when we ‘do the dance with no pants’. Unplanned maybe, but never an accident. The word surprise make it sound happier, like a little present, a little poop filled and adorably cuddly present. The word accident to me just sounds unwanted and I never want my son to associate himself with that.

    December 7, 2016 at 9:48 am
    • Reply Victoria

      Yes, I always say my son is a ‘happy surprise’. I know a few people who have said their children were accidents and seemed completely fine with the term (and others had referred to my son as an accident, which pissed me off), so I thought I’d say it just one time to see how I felt about it. Hated it. Clearly. Wish I never said it. I have the same feeling as you. I never, ever want my son to associate himself with that word. Ever. He is probably the best thing that could have happened to me and I’m going to make sure he knows that 😊

      December 7, 2016 at 10:10 am
  • Reply Bianca

    Never an accident. A curveball maybe, but never an accident.

    December 7, 2016 at 9:52 am
    • Reply Victoria

      Thank you! I’ve never thought of ‘curveball’. That’s another way to think about it. I called him a ‘happy surprise’ from the start (excluding this one time) and I think I’m going to stick with it 😊

      December 7, 2016 at 10:11 am
  • Reply lovinglittleone

    I absolutely love this! So relevant, I cringe whenever anyone mentions my daughter as an accident, even when they use the term ‘happy accident’. She’s a real baby, she kicks and turns and responds to almost every touch. She’s a gift, given to us when we didn’t know we needed it most, and we will always see her that way. God forbid the wrath I will unleash on any person that ever even mentions in the slightest to HER when she’s older that she’s an accident, they won’t live long if I have any say in it 😉

    December 7, 2016 at 1:41 pm
    • Reply lovinglittleone

      By the way, you’re absolutely glowing!! ❤️❤️❤️

      December 7, 2016 at 1:42 pm
      • Reply Victoria

        Thank you! It has been something that has been bothering me for a while, but I haven’t been able to write about it because I always get upset. I see my son the same way. Didn’t know that I needed him, but I’m definitely happy that he’s on his way 🙂 If anyone ever says that word around him in the future they will be sorry haha. Thank you love! I feel like I’m finally starting to get the ‘glow’ (dare I say it). Ha. Feeling a little less like a potato at the moment 🙂 You look absolutely amazing as well!

        December 7, 2016 at 8:50 pm
  • Reply rugby843

    Think you’re smitten now? Wait till you cuddle him for the first time.☺️

    December 7, 2016 at 2:13 pm
    • Reply Victoria

      Oh, I am looking forward to that more than anything 🙂

      December 7, 2016 at 8:51 pm
  • Reply behindthereddoor

    Wow. I really admire you for writing this. I’ve always felt similarly that babies aren’t accidents, yet we throw around the term when someone has an unplanned pregnancy. Lots of things in life are unplanned… some of the best things. When you choose to continue with the pregnancy and accept a baby as part of your life plan, that is not an accident.

    Erin |

    December 8, 2016 at 9:26 pm
    • Reply Victoria

      I agree! You can never really plan the best things in life. I might have to borrow your ‘accepting him as a life plan’ explanation as soon as someone mentions him being an accident. That definitely is not an accident, like you said 🙂

      December 10, 2016 at 10:52 am
  • Reply untidygrace

    I love this post! <3 exactly how I feel about my little Iola. she was definitely NOT planned, but she was no accident. She is the happiest surprise of my life.

    December 15, 2016 at 2:56 pm
  • Reply The Mothership

    This is exactly how I felt when I was pregnant! My baby was a beautiful surprise. Accidents happen but they don’t always have to be mistakes!

    January 11, 2017 at 3:35 am
  • Reply Through It All

    My mother did not mind using the word accident when describing me. I was born three years after she had her tubes tied. As far back as I can remember, she has always used that term. It does something to a person, to constantly be reminded that they were an accident. Happy surprise is much better!

    February 19, 2017 at 8:00 pm
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