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The *6 Guys You’ll Find on Tinder

Hi, my name is Victoria and I’m on Tinder.

Surprised?

Being single in 2017 is a minefield or one never-ending game of the floor is lava. Being on Tinder doesn’t make it any easier.

I have been on Tinder for much, much longer than I am proud of. I enjoy the ego boost from being super liked and speaking to men entirely through GIFs. However, I do not like getting messages about nudes or receiving surprise dick pics.

Unfortunately, Tinder has become known as the land of dick pics and nudes. (Or maybe I’m speaking to the wrong men.) Want to know who I’ve met?

The Cheater

He is one shady, shady dude. He will also be shirtless and you won’t find a photo of his face. Anywhere. His bio will say something about wanting some ‘fun’ or that you have to be ‘discreet’. You know, because he has a wife and children at home. Steer clear of this guy. You’ll end up heart-broken with a STD and a label as ‘the other woman’.

The Fuckboy

I have written about The Fuckboy on several occasions. I have a bit of experience when it comes to fuckboys. Unfortunately. The Fuckboy is on Tinder for one reason only. Sex. And a lot of it. You can guarantee he has a roster and you’re going to be the one to fill his Friday night (and Saturday morning – ayo) spot. His bio will say something about wanting to have some ‘no strings fun’. Translation: You will be getting a text message from me at 2am, and you better be okay with it. Just don’t expect anything more than a “Eyyy bby, you want some fuck?” message from him. He is the one you go for if you need to get over someone (hello, rebound sex!) or if you have a free spot in your roster too (because females have needs too). 

The ‘I Just Really Want to Meet You’ Guy

He is another version of The Clingy Guy, you know, if I had to put a label on him. It starts off fine, but he quickly turns into a puppy that insists on following you. Everywhere. Across multiple platforms. I don’t know how many times I got the “I just want to meet you” message from this dude, and you know what? It didn’t make me want to meet him. At all. Pro tip: If you want to keep your conversations to just Tinder then don’t link your Instagram account (or blog or Snapchat) to your profile.

The Dog Guy

This one is hard to define because 90% of men on Tinder have a dog photo. I’m convinced they approach random people just so they can take a snap then claim the dog as their own. That’s right, I’m on to you, ‘Mr. Fluffy Is My Best Friend’ Guy. I might have swiped right on several people just because they had a heckin’ cute dog. I mean, a white german shepherd? Sign me up! Husky? I’m here for it. Dalmatian? Yes, please. However, don’t get sucked in by the fluffy face because the guy is definitely a fuckboy.

The Foreigner

This guy is guaranteed to have a bio stating that he’s over here from London. If you skipped the bio, you can usually figure it out from his photos. You know, because a photo of Big Ben is usually enough to scream ‘foreign’. He’s usually travelling the country, so he’s guaranteed to have a different girl in every town. Now the question is this: Do you want to be one of them? Are his photos of his Big Ben good enough to make you want to drop your panties?

The Dad

There will be a photo of him with a baby. He claims that it is his niece. It isn’t his niece. Who can resist a guy with a baby? He’s cute. The ‘niece’ is cute. Go ahead, swipe right.

*The Perfect Guy

Still non-existent.

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40 Comments

  • Reply Kristina Swanson

    This is so funny and true 😂

    August 29, 2017 at 3:39 pm
    • Reply Victoria

      Tinder is a minefield!

      September 2, 2017 at 11:34 am
  • Reply Carissa Eva Stephanie Vikis

    This was spot on! I was on Tinder for a few months and seriously everything you described was so true! I did make a huge mistake, which was linking my IG bio to Tinder and I got a SH*T load of msgs. I got a guy who said “I love your naked body” There was no hello, no nothing! Now mind you, I don’t have naked pics of me on my Instagram, just ones having fun on the beach!
    And tons of other messages saying “Oh, you’re real! why are you still single?” I mean, honestly, I rather stay single than date any of you F&*KBOYS!!!
    Seriously, this was a great blog post and like I said, you perfectly described all the guys on Tinder, and on most dating websites!

    August 29, 2017 at 3:55 pm
    • Reply Victoria

      Oh my goodness! That is insane! I don’t have Instagram, so don’t have it linked BUT I do have my blog URL in my bio. You know, just to see if anyone would be interested enough to look 😉 I can’t say I’ve ever gotten messages like that though. That is insane. I’m guessing that means that you aren’t on Tinder any more! Haha. Phew.

      September 2, 2017 at 11:36 am
  • Reply Ξnigma

    And then there’s me : Who has stupid photos, and resume jotted down in the bio, and getting left swiped, every.single.time.

    August 29, 2017 at 6:01 pm
    • Reply Victoria

      Can’t say I’ve ever come across someone like you!

      September 2, 2017 at 11:37 am
      • Reply Ξnigma

        They are very limited, like 1 in 8 billion.

        September 2, 2017 at 10:21 pm
  • Reply certifiedpastryaficionado

    Man, online dating has changed so much since I was on it years ago. I met my husband on eharmony and I know so many other people who did the same. So don’t give up on online dating yet!

    August 29, 2017 at 10:06 pm
    • Reply Victoria

      Online dating is a minefield! I love it and find it entertaining, so I won’t be giving up on it just yet.

      September 2, 2017 at 11:38 am
  • Reply Jad

    You forgot the “hunter” the guy holding up a big fish or a dead deer, Oh wait maybe that is only unique to Texas
    These were spot on, I loved it!!

    August 29, 2017 at 11:34 pm
    • Reply Victoria

      Oh my, I DID forget him! Hahaha. I have come across many, many men who are holding huge guns or the head of a deer. It is nastyyyyyyy. I’m glad you liked it!

      September 2, 2017 at 11:40 am
    • Reply Dewy

      The ones patting Tigers in Thailand 😂

      September 28, 2017 at 1:07 pm
  • Reply Mummy Cat

    oh my goodness thats so funny!! I haven’t used tinder myself but I am very aware of the sort of characters you can find on it!!

    August 30, 2017 at 4:32 am
    • Reply Victoria

      I’m glad you liked it! Tinder is a good spot of entertainment. For sure.

      September 2, 2017 at 11:40 am
  • Reply JustButtons

    Ahaha loved this! So funny you can find all the different types of guys :’)

    Sarah | http://www.justbuttonsblog.co.uk

    August 30, 2017 at 4:41 am
    • Reply Victoria

      Just have to know where to look 😉

      September 2, 2017 at 11:41 am
  • Reply Finding Kathy Brown

    Never been on tinder but this made me smile. It reminds me 6 years ago when i was on match.com. it wasn’t all bad though cause after I weeded through all the types of guys you listed I found my amazing husband.

    August 30, 2017 at 11:34 am
    • Reply Victoria

      It is taking a LOT of weeding! I don’t think I have much of a garden left at this point! I’m not giving up though. I like Tinder…You know, for the amount of shit talking/bashing I do. Haha.

      September 2, 2017 at 11:42 am
  • Reply Ariana

    So…this was absolutely hilarious. I love the perspective and how candid you were. I met my girlfriend on Tinder so I appreciate the honesty because let’s face it, Tinder can be weird.

    August 30, 2017 at 1:23 pm
    • Reply Victoria

      Tinder is the WEIRDEST! I’m glad I’m not the only one who can admit that! I’m so glad you had a positive experience 🙂

      September 2, 2017 at 11:43 am
  • Reply thediystyle

    haha.Never tried it but couldnt resist the title

    August 30, 2017 at 3:43 pm
    • Reply Victoria

      At the very least, it is entertaining! I think a boyfriend is just a bonus at the end of the day.

      September 2, 2017 at 11:44 am
  • Reply Ari Augustine

    Hey Victoria, I love your personality and descriptions here 🙂

    August 30, 2017 at 4:08 pm
  • Reply Nipun Sharma

    The Featured images are so relatable to the dark humourous content of the post. But I am utterly blown away by the simplicity of the blog , its clean look and the to the point amazing content.

    August 30, 2017 at 7:06 pm
    • Reply Victoria

      Thank you 🙂

      September 2, 2017 at 11:44 am
  • Reply Nidhal Sinha

    Victoria, the last line was explosive. So were the descriptions of the first two.

    August 30, 2017 at 8:12 pm
    • Reply Victoria

      I’m so glad you think so!

      September 2, 2017 at 11:45 am
  • Reply Saph Moon

    Definitely come across a few of these before! Not sure I’ll bother with dating apps and sites in the future, although it’s fun to match with people, that’s kind of where the fun stops for me!
    Saph xx
    simplysaph.blogspot.co.uk

    August 30, 2017 at 9:08 pm
    • Reply Victoria

      I thought I’d be done with them too, but I don’t socialise with a lot of men these days! Also easier to filter people out through online dating 😉 It is a looooot of fun. I also enjoy the shit chat. Sometimes. You know, when it doesn’t include cringe-worthy ‘nudes’ talk.

      September 2, 2017 at 11:46 am
  • Reply Roxy Olivas

    LMAO! Omg I love this post because it’s so true! I couldn’t stand all the eff boys I ran into on tinder so I had to delete it!

    August 31, 2017 at 2:29 am
    • Reply Victoria

      THERE ARE SO MANY! I’ve stopped talking to men on Tinder (because I might have snagged one) but it was definitely an experience and a half!

      September 2, 2017 at 11:47 am
  • Reply Brains & Bodies

    This is so funny haahah could there be a 7th the one ‘ I’ve seen you around in person’.

    August 31, 2017 at 2:38 am
  • Reply Brains & Bodies

    Sorry and 8th ‘ Serial dating app user’ lol x

    August 31, 2017 at 2:38 am
    • Reply Victoria

      Ohhhh, #8 is the absolute truth!

      September 2, 2017 at 11:48 am
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    September 4, 2017 at 10:37 am
  • Reply I Tested a Break-Up App (So You Wouldn’t Have to)

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    September 11, 2017 at 9:02 am
  • Reply Dewy

    Hehehe loved it. I like the discreet ones best . They are good for sex if their wives have trained them well. The FBs are good too if you want an all nighter . Other than that none good for long term 😂

    September 28, 2017 at 1:06 pm
  • Reply Kat Fox

    I am not on Tinder, but this is hilarious. Maybe you should try Bumble?
    Xoxo,
    Kat Fox
    http://www.thefoxykat.com/

    October 10, 2017 at 9:53 am
  • Reply jennysdatingadvice

    I personally prefer meeting married men on Tinder. They are quite easy to get rid of if you don’t like them.

    October 31, 2017 at 10:40 am
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