November is about being thankful. December is a perpetual food coma. January is the era of ‘new year, new me’ #goals. February is the month that bitch slaps you, just in case you actually survived the last handful of months with any dignity still intact.
Valentine’s Day has been renamed over the years as ‘Galentines Day’, ‘Single’s Awareness Day’ or simply ‘The Worst Day on Earth’. All of them – in my opinion – are fairly extreme.
It’s just another day. Or it used to be.
If you’re single, it’s a commercialised bitch slap reminding you of just how single you are. Still. If you’re in a relationship, it’s a commercialised kick in the ass reminding you that you must show your significant other how much you care about them. You know, because, apparently, you don’t do that every day. If you’ve just started dating someone, it’s a commercialised screech that puts an unfair amount of pressure on a new relationship. I mean, is a card enough or do you have to wake him up with a blowjob?
Luckily for me, I’ve ~*almost always*~ been single on Valentine’s Day.
No junk in my face before my morning coffee, thank you.
Being single on Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be a pity party. It can actually be pretty awesome, complete with all the junk in your face that you want. If that’s how you roll.
Over the years I embraced a ‘treat yourself’ motto on Valentine’s Day. I take myself out on a date. Usually sushi, but I’ve been known to indulge in pizza, on occasion. I go to the local bookstore and pick out a book I’ve drooled over. I drink a triple shot flat white.
I’m not huddling in the corner of my room or cursing all the happy couples or drowning in a puddle of my tears. I’m not setting fire to an ex’s pair of sweatpants or creating a ‘love spell’ to bring a new man into my life.
I’m out, living my life because today is just another day.
If you break down today then you let Jimmy or Jamie or whatever-the-hell-his-name-was win. They’re just asshats who didn’t deserve you and, honestly, you’re better off without them. You don’t need a man to make you happy in your day-to-day life and you certainly don’t need a man on Valentine’s Day.
Unless you get super horny, in which case, you do you, boo.
All my years of being ‘the single friend’ have left me feeling very, very comfortable with my relationship status. I’ve seen people go through the sheer panic of being single because what do they do now? And the answer is: whatever the fuck you want.
Being single is pretty damn awesome. And Valentine’s Day is the perfect day to treat yourself the way that you deserve to be treated.
Men can come and go. Days are over in twenty-four hours. Flowers wilt. Presents are lost and forgotten. Only you belong to yourself. You are the only one left at the end of the day. Only you can choose if you let this day destroy you or if you give the middle finger to the world and soldier on. Love is a choice. Every day you can choose to give it to someone else or you can choose to love yourself.
I know what I choose.
You do you, boo. According to one study, most females only have an orgasm 50-86% of the time during sex with a male partner. That statistic seems to be pretty vague on initial inspection, but I bet it’s enough to leave some men feeling pretty butthurt. Sorry, not sorry. An orgasm is the ultimate ‘treat yourself’ thing for Valentine’s Day. I mean, no one else is going to do it for you. Or, you could go shopping. Lovehoney has a deal of three gifts or games for $25. Adult Toy Mega Store is giving away a free gift with every purchase for the month. Cinder and Wild Secrets are doing a massive clearance sale for Valentine’s Day.
And I’ve just outed myself as a giant freak. You’re welcome.
You might be single, but you’re not dead. You don’t have to be alone on Valentine’s Day. Let your freak flag fly. Jump on Tinder and get some (safe) strange. I’m sure you won’t be the only one on the app today.
I know Galentine’s Day is on February 13th, but you can always make it a two-day event. There ain’t no rules in this game, honey. Maybe you can go out for brunch or lunch or just a simple coffee. Maybe you can go out for dinner and a movie or just cocktails. Or maybe you’re still hungover from February 13th and you aren’t going anywhere. That’s fine too. Just make sure you grab some of your best friends and have fun.
Stop giving a fuck
Seriously. I stopped giving a fuck about Valentine’s Day a long, long time ago. And, believe it or not, I’m happy. As fuck. Yesterday, I read a blog post by Sophie about things she no longer cares about. It was inspired. I was inspired. You should be inspired.
Valentine’s Day is just one day.
Jump into the shower with your vibrator, drink your triple shot flat white and then go conquer the day like the badass bitch that you are.
Break a heart
á la Valentine’s Day. Maybe you do need to just burn a bunch of your ex’s stuff and beat up a heart-shaped piñata.
Who am I to judge?
People always spout the saying, “Men: Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.” I’m here to say that you can. Not just today, but every day.
Now put on your big girl panties and crush today.