Losing my virginity wasn’t like losing a sock or a shoe or my phone. It’s not something that reappears after ten minutes. Once it’s gone, it’s gone for good. Those ten minutes of being jack-hammered and acting like amateur porn stars was it. ‘Bumping uglies’ as my grandmother says. I don’t know why they call it that because I’ve seen some pretty penises in my day. (OK, I’m only 23. I think it’s still ‘my day’.)
Needless to say: it gets better, it isn’t scary, and ‘uglies’ is a terrible word to describe a penis.
A few days ago, I found out that a friend of mine was going on a Tinder date. I was beyond stoked for her, in fact, I think I said “Get it, girl!” a million times within ten seconds. My brain had torn straight past her first, second and third date to when they finally do the dirty. And then steamrolled right past that first time because losing your virginity is weird.
My friends and I are very open when it comes to sex. We do it and we like it. Hell, you can guarantee we’ve all discussed that weird sex position you tried to get us to do. Please, ease up on the porn. We are not that flexible. Needless to say, we’ve also discussed length, girth, and your orgasm face; however, I don’t recall us ever talking about what it was like to lose our virginities. You know, beyond the typical “well, that sucked” line spoken by every girl in the history of the world.
This post is for us. The girls who are doing it and not talking about it, who are talking about it and not doing it, and for those who just don’t know at all.
1. The first time kind of sucks.
There are no two ways about it. It is very, very underwhelming. Especially if you’re having sex with another virgin. For me, it hurt. A lot. It hurt so much that I had him stop. Really. I was that cliché who was having sex in her mother’s bed and then kicked the guy out in the middle of the night. Sorry, not sorry.